Quote:
Originally Posted by Shadix
I don't get why everyone is getting so riled up over this. Ok sure maybe it's not the best idea to approach a girl at work, but why are people being so nasty hurling around words like "creep" and making accusations of sexism? Just politely share your opinion and be on your way. Is it really THAT big of a deal if he strikes up a conversation with the barista? From the way people are responding on here you would think he is contemplating murder.
I can't help but feel like if this was a young guy talking about approaching an older female barista, he would be getting encouragement and support. And of course if it was an older female approaching a younger male barista, I highly doubt there would be any outcry over it.
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An older female, let's say a teacher, begins dating a man of age 19/20 - just out of high school. Guess what everyone is going to think? That she's been inappropriate with students - even if the guy had never ever been a student at any school she worked at and she hadn't met him until he was 19/20. Stuff like that happens frequently - when older people approach people significantly younger it does often bring up negative reactions because it's too close to being pedophilia - because if you were to subtract say 20 years, you might go from a 50+ adult and a 20 YO, to a 30+ adult and a newborn infant. People just automatically do that math.
That is why people can jump to the word "creep" (Mac, no one on here has thought you were creepy, at least that isn't how I've read things).
When I was younger I used to attract "creepy old men". That's now expanded to "creepy men" as I've gotten older myself (haha... 30.. not really old!). I wouldn't describe Mac as creepy - he hasn't done anything wrong. Mac, you just happened to misread a situation and that's a shame - but at the same time, you are proud that you took a chance and that is great!
But, without knowing Mac's side (like we do here), you have to think about what the barista might be thinking - she's just had an innocent friendly regular ask her out. If she isn't used to that happening then she's likely going to spend the next while very uncomfortable at work because she wouldn't want to be leading on anyone else - because not everyone will respond respectfully to rejection like Mac did. Now, will she definitely feel like that? No, some people are pretty easy-going about stuff like that! But others aren't. And, seeing as she needs to work and earn money, she can't avoid the situation or Mac very easily.
That's what a lot of us have been posting from - the perspective of women who've been there. You can't always tell creepy from not-creepy or safe from dangerous until it's too late. So, while Mac is non-creepy and safe, there's no way for the barista to know that for sure. Which is why most of us encourage leaving people at work alone - because it can potentially make someone feel unsafe at work, and who wants that?