[FONT="Times New Roman"][FONT="Times New Roman"]im not gonna go into details i'm gonna sum it up:

2 year close platonic relationship ended on 6/29

the person was psychologically abusive in every way possible (gaslighting/minimizing/projecting)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_manipulation << link for ref

here are some screenshots of our texts (he did lots of projecting and blaming and like ..these screenshots are just a small example.. ) pisces

here's a link of my post talking about how i overdosed and how he acted/reacted pisces

ALSO. HE POSTED ABOUT MY MENTAL ILLNESSES. and other things look pisces

when he ended it and then i suddenly realized, JUST LIKE THAT, he was abusive to me this whole time.

last week: flashbacks / bad memories / realize see clearly / overwhelmed / avoid anything that reminds me of him (blocking mutuals and everything) /
when he comes up in my mind i would have a draining rush. i remember i felt like i was unreal and everything around me felt unreal. i felt light headed dizzy. i had chest pains and it was hard to breath. i was so tired and drained . when he comes up on my mind or sends me an intimidating text or use people as pawns to communicate to me i literally feel like i'm having a heart attack (prob panic attack/trigger) i didn't sleep for days a lot . i would be awake for days and sleep 1-3 hours.

**** also thinking about death 24/7 (NOT SUICIDAL) i'm just constantly thinking about life and death all the time. i'm not exagerrating when i say all the time every other minute i'm always thinking about death. and it's so agonizing.
i can't stop thinking about it and it's huge bc i think i have abandonment issues and i cant acccept that im gonna die even tho obviously itll happen but i'm just intensely thinking of death ever since . i think i'm having an existential crisis .

this week: i had a nightmare about a man dying (even my dreams get anxietieS) and i slept for 15 hours one day . my sleep is still bad as usual before this even happ (oh my god i just fricking paniced like the living room air scent spray just sprayed and i just jumped oh my god) i'm so numb and like i feel so detatched

i haven't left the house in over 2 weeks. i don't eat i'm barely hungry. i feel like im more dead than alive.

he has high antisocial personality traits (no remorse/guilt/egocentric/selfish/lies/violative/harmful to self+others..me/manipulative/no empathy) VERY CHARISMATIC/CHARMING THO. very good @ acting/pretending

i am the type of person that needs to like be heard and i want people to know what he done to me and he probably doesn't feel remorse/guilt he will just feel mad bc he's caught but i just need to feel like i'm heard by people that knows us and idk i'm posting on here instead because i'm too scared .

also i'm diagnosed with
complex ptsd
bipolar 1
gad
panic disorder
ocd
adhd
depression

what i just typed isn't the worse thing that happened to me my moods were worse than this but i'm having these moods now and i'm having difficulty dealing with them . i need comfort. and i want opinions about him. i'm looking more on comfort .

i'm very self aware - perspective person and i'm aware of my emotions and like i know my thoughts and how im reacting is in response to mildly traumatizing things this person put on me

i have no friends anymore he alienated me from them while he befriended them...classic abuse tactic nice....

ugh i'm 17 i can't believe i am dealing with this.. he's 17 too o my god

i already was abused by my dad for years and i am so upset bc i got into this friendship .. it's like history repeat itself..

at least i detected it early... i think im one of the first people who detected this in him (his friends/family seem oblivious of how his behavior/personality is very antisocial)

idk i just want comfort i know it'll be over eventually but im so tired im so idk

comfort. i'm having existential crisis+ depression relapse +repressed memories i remmeber when i was 3-13 + nightmares+
i'm 100% sure i'm rapid cycling actually... idk so many comorbid symptoms

i am a hypersensitive person + empath btw
ugh i feel disillusioned