I just recently found out I have a court date in October . I have to go to court because I have not paid child support. I owe $14,000 in child support at the moment.I also have been waiting for approval from ssi. I have a cour date for ssi in August. But I'm afraid ssi will not approve me again! I'm afraid of also going to jail because I have not been paying child support. All this is very stressful .

The reason I have not be able to pay is I have not been able to work.
I have Bipolar 1 mixed with psychosis. Depression and anxiety really keeps me from going out of the house. I have a very hard time just stepping out in my front yard lately. I have not had a job in 3 years. I have lots of negetive thoughts and feelings all the time I have anxiety and i'm trying very hard to fight Depression all the time. So working seems impossible because of the way I feel.I have not felt like my self In a very long time.I've tried several different medicines over the last several years . I was taking depakote for awhile along with 2 antidepressants.I was on these medicines for about 2 years.I still had horrible anxiety and outer body feeling with depakote and cybalta. I Feel like that medicine was helping some , but I feel that they stopped working at some point. I then ended up back in the hospital this year in Feb. after stopping Depakote and cymbalta. I was put on a high dose of Respirdal and that made me feel very confused and made my anxiety and depression even worst.I had to get off of Respirdol because of the way it made me feel. Respirdol took away all my energy. So I stopped taking all medicines about 3 months ago. I started taking a alternative drug after I got off of Respirdal. The drug or Vitamin I ended up experimenting with was Q96. That did nothing for me . I stopped taking q96 and now have been without any medicines for awhile now.

I'm writing this because I just don't know what to do? I know its Sounds very pathetic that I've waisted so much time dealing with my symptoms. I feel like a loser because I can't pay child support for my 7 year son.
I feel very hopeless and if I don't get approved for ssi in August I just don't want i'm going to do.

Homelessness seems like the only hope for me sometimes.
But I want to get stable and feel like the normal me again. I use to have more hope and use to see life differently. I use so have many friends and now I have none. I also feel like my days are blending and i'm constantly battling to feel like the normal ME again.