I have been dating a wonderful young lady for about 9 months. I feel we are truly in love with each other but I am emotionally conflicted with myself about continuing the relationship. I have pasted the point of not being able to end this relationship without scaring my heart considerable but I don't know what I should do.

My emotional conflict comes from the fact that I have discovered she uses marijuana more frequently than I initially thought. I knew fairly early in the relationship she smoked because I could smell it on her breath when we kissed. I asked her about it and we talked about it and I made it very clear that I was the type of person that hated drug use. I work in a job where I see first hand the destructive powers of drug use and have lost loved ones to drug use. Not that I look at marijuana use as a harsh drug but I have seen how letting ones morals accept the use of this drug, lead to other destructive drug use. Also as a parent, a role model to many other people, via it my job or all the youth I have coached in my life, I find it very hard to accept the fact that I'm in a wonderful relationship but something that I so despise, is a part of it.

This past weekend I went on a camping trip with several of her friends that she hangs out with regularly. Her friends even confronted her with the fact that this type of activity would be going on and knowing my job and how I felt, asked if it would be something I wouldn't want to be a part of because it was there trip and they didn't want to curb there indulgence. I really didn't want to go but I felt I needed to go to see my girlfriend in her element. It was very hard on me to see the woman I love, with all my heart, walk off with her friends to get high. The first night they pretty much kept to themselves but I witnessed my love, sit in her car and smoke. I kept my feelings bottled up, as best I could the first night but I didn't sleep well. The next day, we all went out on the boat and for the first time, my girlfriend smoked right in front of me. My heart broke. I pretty much kept to myself the rest of that day until I got my girlfriend alone. At first I just tried to love her and enjoy my time with her, I was going to hold my feelings in until after the trip but I couldn't hold it in any longer. I told her how much I loved her and how seeing her in her car smoking and smoking in front of me on the boat was breaking my heart. I told her I couldn't do this anymore. That what she was doing was breaking my heart. I told her how I didn't really want to come knowing what was going on but I felt it important to myself to see for myself. She said things to me that lead me to believe she would change for me but I never got a total reassurance that she would change. She didn't smoke the rest of that night with her friends but she did smoke one last time the next day before we left.

My conflict with myself now is, will she change, trust in her, and if I should really continue down this path with her? I'm sick to my stomach over it. I know shes loves me but she told me she has smoked marijuana since she was 18 and that she smoked it almost every day which I never knew. In our conversation, she told me she would be stupid to continue to smoke and jeopardize losing me. She told me that losing me wasn't worth continuing the marijuana use. I also told her that even though I knew we loved each other as much as we do, maybe I wasn't the right guy for her. Maybe I needed to just step away because asking her to give up something that she felt was important to me later, would only make her hate me and resent me. As much as I love this woman, all I have asked of her at this point, was to tell me there could be a light at the end of tunnel, that this wouldn't be a part of her life forever and if she seen any type of life with me she she would end this drug use now. She seems to want to give me that reassurance but I also know that her friends are a big part of her life and there users so I can't really see her giving it up totally. I see her hiding it from me at first but she will eventually slip up. My initial confronting of her in the beginning was very defensive. Everything was an accuse, as to why she did it. Everything someone with an addiction would say but I never knew it was an everyday thing.

I'm sick to my stomach just writing this. I feel like I need to be with her all the time to make sure she's not smoking. It's like I want to catch her. My mind won't relax. Never before have I had trust issues with her but now I can't see how I won't because she will do things with these same friends without me at some point and my fears will eat at me as they are now.

One part of me wants to just end this now but we both love each other very much. This might be the first time in my life I have truly been happy and felt love for someone that loved me the same in return but I know I can't continue living like this, it's eating at me everyday and it's only been three days since confronting her.

Very Conflicted!!!!!!!!!!!