At what point do you know you need IP?

********************HUGE TRIGGER*****************


Ive had suicide ideation off and on for a week. I haven't really slept in two days. I realize its common and IP isn't really a requirement for this. I get it off and on all the time. But this time Ive done something a little dangerous and very unlike myself.

I see my T tomorrow and Im terrified to talk about whats been going on and what Ive done. I put myself in danger and I cant promise that Im safe right now. If it was just me, I wouldn't be so reluctant to go IP but I hate disappointing and explaining to my family. They don't and never will understand. My sister says I seek hospitalizations but that's not true at ALL. I don't enjoy it but Ive gone when I needed to or per a Dr/T advice.

My t promised never to send me somewhere unless I couldn't keep myself safe. Im not sure if this falls under that or not. Its not my gun but I know how to get it, easily.

I don't know what to expect from my T visit tomorrow and Im frightened. I trust him but Im afraid to be open about this crap. I will do my best to tell him everything. If I called phone coaching today I know she would say to go to an ER but I don't want to do that.

Im so lost.