I'm really glad I'm set up on this Zyprexa prescription, it's helping me to stay sat back and contemplative. But I fell for a big piece of bait from my mother yet again.

So throughout this past winter, I was not on medication, kept telling my mother I need to see a pdoc (I am financially dependent on her after a period of homelessness), I wasn't showering hardly ever and was clearly not doing well. Yet my mother didn't seem concerned at all, and in fact trusted me to take care of her entire house for her for a week or longer at a time while she went off on vacations/cruises.

Now I am finally stable on medication and doing much better, and I have also been wanting a pet very badly, because I am hardwired to care and live for something or someone else, and I draw a lot of strength and comfort from that. And now she is taking the attitude that she is concerned about my mental health and doesn't know if she can trust me to look after a pet.

****ing seriously.

But then she threw the bait out, she said that if I can remain mentally stable for one month, then she will let me have a pet. And so the game was set and I took the bait. I agreed to her terms, however condescending they are. The game is that I have to passively, happily allow her to regard me as a retarded child, and constantly try to show her that I am not a retarded child, while she pretends like she gives half a damn about my mental well-being.

And in the end there is a very high chance that she will find some little flaw in me that proves that I am not really ready to have a pet, probably towards the finish line. Whenever she orchestrates this kind of game, it's not over until she wins, and she wins when I finally get upset and she can paint me as crazy.

I cannot ****ing believe I fell for this.