Parents who blame children for their problems need therapy. I was also blamed for most of my parents fights. Also, if my younger brothers did something they weren't supposed and I was with them I got blamed. They told me "You're the oldest and need to set an example for them". I was 10 yrs old. No child of that age is responsible for anyone else. It's hard enough to just do what you're supposed to do at that age. My Mother used to compare me to my friends and say "Why can't you be more like her?". My father was usually the one who spanked us. Mom would slap us across the face. I remember when I was 13 and Dad came after me with the paddle and left huge welts on my butt and thighs. The next day he apologized but told me I should wear long pants until the welts went away. My Mother was an alcoholic who was jealous of the relationship between my Father and I. (nothing sexual, we were just closer than my Mom and I) Once when she was drunk she told me what a disappointment I was. She had a knife in her hand and put it in mine and told me I should just stab her in the heart because she couldn't take it anymore. All of these things an more were not appropriate parenting. Children should never be afraid of their parents and parents should never spank when angry. Sounds to me like your Mother played a lot of head games with you and that is not OK. It is OK, however, for you to put up boundaries. For example "Mom, I don't want to see you if you are going to continue to belittle me". Just because she is your Mom doesn't mean she can act that way towards you or anyone else. I hope you find peace. Therapy does work! There is light at the end of the tunnel!