Thats one of the three common attachment styles I studied in psychology as it relates to children and how they attach to their mother- it affects them as adults- along with things I've been through, I can see this as a common denominator to how I relate to people.
I want to be close and then when I am- it's too much and I need to back away-it's really retarded and annoying- mostly because I think of my introverted and anxious turned distrusting nature - I think if I could have an alcoholic beverage and just stay tipsy throughout the day I'd be fine- or just have a drink every night- the following day I'm always more social- like a leftover after effect- was the same when I used to smoke weed. I've contemplated getting a medical marijuana card and getting back into using marijuana- but that just makes me lazy and less ambitious than I already am . .. . I feel like I'm used up, burned out - I feel old and jaded.

P.S. Is it bad that sometimes I just feel that I hate people in general? I feel bad for it later, but people really are assholes and it just rubs me the wrong way sometimes. I feel like I need to have at least 3-4 days a week where I can just be left alone. I'd much rather watch movies and shows and play video games alone, lol. I'm such a loner.