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Jul 15, 2015, 07:07 PM
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I found it hard to accept my diagnosis, because for so long I just thought it was just my real personality coming to the fore. That I just had a lack of self control, that i wanted to have sex with anyone that showed a level of care, that it wasn't really all that irrational to spend thousands of dollars on things, because I had done the research and rationalized it in my mind. It wasn't until after my divorce that I was diagnosed with bipolar. I still didn't believe it. And my mediations at the time, lithium, sodium valporate, Meloril and an antidepressant didn't really help. Sure they made me more stable, but the irrational, irresponsible behavior continued. I met someone online, became 'friends' with them, planned a trip, had them fly out from the USA and then got half way around Australia with them before I realized what I was doing and
. I put them on a plane, send them home and came back to where I used to live. I then tried to have an affair with the family that took me in.
. I moved in with my parents and they helped me put my life back together. I moved out from there, and within months
. I finally had to realize that I did indeed have something wrong, although still thinking I was just a weak and bad person. It took me years to accept my diagnosis.
Now I am somewhat stable. I do mess with my medications. I struggle with submitting to drugs. I want to be stronger than the bipolar. Truth is I am not. And the cost of not staying stable, I can only work sometimes, have real difficulties maintaining friendships, can only work when I am up, and still cycle, both on a weekly basis, and monthly basis, and that's with medication. I'd hate to see where I would go and what I would do again without medication.
And I think I have totally strayed from the reason for my post. Sorry
xXx
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