Electric... I like that... it was sort of electric...

I am afraid to see him on Friday.

What if he never says anything like that again?

That would make me really, really sad.

I think I should tell him that.

Why do I treat him so badly sometimes? I mean, there we are... with enough of a connection that even he comments about it... and I end up telling him to shut up. Nice.

But he ended the session on a positive, optimistic note. I mean it could have ended like this:

Me: I still feel like I just ruined everything.
Him: You did. Nice work, %#@&#!.

But it didn't. However, I can totally see why he said he "took a chance" by disclosing his feelings like that.

On Friday I want to tell him:

How much that meant to me.
How I felt the connection, too.
About how it was that very "electricity" that made me shut down and get angry... I didn't know how to hold onto that.
What can I do with intense feelings besides push them away?
And that I just wanted it so that it would stop hurting when I left.
That he is the only person who could ever handle every aspect of me.
That I am scared he will never go that route again.