I must explain a problem.

My job requires that I work on material from writers who send in blog posts.

So, today and yesterday, I was forced to work on blog posts with the topic of being single and dating for like 5 hours straight.

I haven't been on a date in nearly three years.
My heart is full of pain and I felt sick.

The last person I dated nearly raped me- he did everything else, dragged me across the floor, pushed me in the shower, took all of my clothes- tears, anger, crazyness.

I randomly started having the desire to date again after nearly three years and this desire is freaking me out.

Does anyone know how to make a transition back into dating after negative experiences?

I could care less about my emotions and/or feelings because I have pushed this issue down so far, it's like a "map" of roads of emotions and you'll just get lost because you won't know which emotion is which or why certain feelings are the way they are- my feelings have been pushed down so deep, I don't even care to focus on them because it would be too confusing and I have ignored it for almost three years, without ever having to think about it, and now, even at my workplace, this topic has been resurfacing. It's like I can't escape it. It's been randomly coming up in conversation, the normal videos I watch, somehow weave the topic of relationships into the theme or plot, and let me tell you, reading blogs about dating for 5 hours when this is a topic you normally ignore is a bit distressing, i really felt sick, i can't even escape this topic at my workplace!

A few months ago, I collapsed in my bathroom and began to weep. I was only on the floor for 5 seconds before telling myself to stand because a family member could walk in and see me. So, I got right up, wiped my face, and continued working in my room.

IT's so weird. I wish I could go back to that moment and finish burning out the sadness in my heart. I am like- what if those emotions to weep are still in me? who knows? Dating ughhh. complicated! for sure!