Good for you for going to your 1st session!

I SI, too. Sometimes I do it when I'm feeling horrible... but other times, I do it when I don't feel that bad at all.

What I have found out is that I think I SI when I feel okay, in an attempt to connect with my former self. Because feeling bad is pretty much all I know. It's my identity. So when I break away from that, who am I? It's unfamiliar territory to feel alright. So I do things that are familiar. Even if they are destructive.

I don't know if this resonates with your situation at all, but it's just something to think about.

Also you are dealing with something difficult-- your job. It is making you anxious. In the past, you have dealt with severe anxiety by the release of self-injury. So just because you are feeling better emotionally right now, you might not have the coping mechansims, behaviorally speaking, to deal with the return of extreme anxiety. So you reach for what you know. What works for you.

I am the same way. I know no other release.