Hi connect the stars. I am so sorry about your dog. And I am sorry you are feeling so bad. Professional help would be a good idea. I know how it feels to lose a pet. A dog is a member of your family. It is like losing a child. It is traumatic. There is a forum here for grief and loss. You are going through a very difficult time, but this too shall pass in time.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You are not a bad person, you are just dealing with a hard time.