Hi Ihani,

My thinking is..........when you have real intense feelings for someone, it can hurt really badly that you can't be with them/get to know them more/spend time with them, right??
And they're in the middle of those feelings, they're part of all that hurt, so I can understand if that turns towards negative feelings towards them for you. And maybe you're hating them as well because they've made you feel so vulnerable, and you need to push them away?? Not easy being that vulnerable
And maybe we can throw in there feelings of intense frustration with the anger too??
And........I don't know, this is just a possible, maybe people have hurt you in the past when you've "let them in" so perhaps turning around those extremely good feelings towards people is a kind of a defense.......you don't want to be let down by them???
The hating yourself can all be linked in too, like maybe you hate yourself for "letting them in", for wishing/dreaming/hoping, for being so vulnerable, maybe you're even thinking that "you're not good enough" that you're not/can't be with some of them???
So.........I think you're right, a professional might be able help you with the feelings you've been having............although maybe you could come up with some reasons and ways of addressing your feelings as well, maybe by talking openly with people close to you???
Because you do deserve warm, satisfying, mutually caring, mutually loving connections/friendships/relationships in your life...........and for those "out of reach" e.g. celebrities then if maybe you can find those more "enriching" experiences/connections???
Really well done for reaching out for help with this, and please don't stop reaching.



Alison