Hi Erablez, sorry you're having such a hard time. Breaking up is the most painful thing! (Apart from the long term damage of a toxic relationship). Thank you for coming and posting here, we want to support you if we can. Little Cat's idea could be very helpful. On a practical note I would urge you to get your test results as soon as possible, it will be almost impossibly hard, but knowing will take away some of the turmoil of uncertainty, and it may even be good news.
People do get their lives back after they seem to have fallen apart, so there is hope,even though you probably can't see it at the moment. If you want to rant, feel free to private message me or one of the Community Liaison volunteers, it really helps. Alternatively keep posting.
I wish you good luck as you try to find your way forward.