Every once in a while if I drink when I’m depressed I go too hard and suffer from a horrible depression the next day. I still drink because it happens infrequently enough that drinking is still fun.

But yeah.. It’s one of those days. Every single problem I have is acting up.

I’ve been pretty depressed. I just moved to a big American city from Beijing. I can’t find work in my field, have nothing in common with anyone, and am broke. My roommate is a bit of a **** to me and my self esteem is crashing. One thing that is going well is my relationship. I’m in love with a man I met here. He’s the nicest person ever.

I didn’t really click with his friends last time I saw them because they didn’t seem too interested in getting to know me. They were shocked to find that I wasn’t studying law or in grad school. Last night, i was at a party for them and I hate parties and wanted to leave but he wouldn’t let me. I decided to escape by blacking out.

Apparently, I was a bit rude to one girl. I apologized and she said it’s cool, but my bf is annoyed with me. I’m embarrassed and ashamed. I also fell and hurt myself walking home and told my bf that if it wasn’t for him that I would slit my wrists (I don’t feel this way). I have no idea wtf was wrong with me.

I opened up about my BPD today and apologized and talked it out with him. He’s supportive, but I feel like he’s getting fed up with me. He left me last night and almost didn’t have me over tonight because he has a big day tomorrow. We spend almost every night together.

Today, I’m a wreck. I crying and resisting the urge to injure myself. I almost drove to another state just to have something to distract myself. I feel like everyone is good and I’m bad/dirty/defective and I can’t get happy. It took me forever to get home because talking to my roommates seemed to stressful to me.

I’m really depressed. I see a T. Medicine doesn’t work. I don’t know how to get happy because I can’t change anything in my life. Help