So today my brother was in a motorcycle crash and his leg was mangled. He is in the hospital, already had one surgery and will have another on Monday. My dad is there and giving updates via text to the whole family.

And I'm really angry. When I was hospitalized for my PTSD and depression, all my dad had for me was anger and judgement. He yelled at me, he judged me, he refused to believe anything about my condition because I wouldn't let him talk to my doctors. I admitted myself because I was suicidal, and twice I was committed, but all I got from him was anger and yelling at me, making me feel worse.

Now my former drug-addict brother is in the hospital, the brother who tried to molest me, the brother who threatened to kill me or beat me up all the time, and my dad is nothing but compassion and worry. Where was that compassion and worry for me?

I know this situation is not about me and I am concerned for my brother. I offered to help do whatever I could while he's in the hospital. But at the same time, the sting of my father's multiple abandonments of me, both physical and emotional is making me so angry. Frankly, it makes me want to hurt myself, but I know that doesn't solve anything.

I know I'm my own responsibility and I am responsible for my own actions and my recovery, but I am lately continuously being reminded about my father's role in making me the way that I am. The reason I would never let him talk to my doctors is because he is part of my problems, not part of the solution.

I am just so angry right now. And I guess I'm jealous too. Jealous that my brother always seems to receive such compassion and care when I don't.