Right now im sitting alone in my shack of an apartment staring down the bottom of a bottle of happy pills.

I feel lost.

The support team I had in place as systematically crumbled. Therapist ended things. Employer fired me. Woman i love wont talk to me. I even cant see my pet as I had to leave her behind when i moved out here for the new job which i dont even have anymore. I attended university orientation day recently and everyone there was so excited about starting in september. Im returning as a mature student. Im not 18. Their perkiness and school spirit made me sick. I had to withdraw and leave early.

Everyone who mattered to me is gone. I look around and theirs nothing.

Its dawning on me. Ive lost what mattered most to me. And its not coming back. I was good last year at this time. Work kept me distracted from the end of the relationship the last few months but now even thats gone.

I cant get over what ive lost. Who Ive lost. Ive even had 3 other women recently give me their phone number. Just to be friends. At least I think. Im too stuck on someone else to find out anyway.

Everything I attempt ends badly. Relationships, work. University is probably next on that list.

Im just very low. This summer has not gone as planned.