Boy have things really changed since I wrote this. The past few days I have started on medication for my mental health issues for the first time in my life. It's an OTC herbal anti-anxiety med, but I am only planning to take this until my doctor prescribes me something to calm me down a bit and help me think clearly. Apparently, my anxiety problem was worse than I thought because I feel far calmer now. Anyways, with my more calm state of mind I was actually able to communicate with them and have a major breakthrough.

That whole incident with that night I came home from that birthday party was entirely not what I thought at all. They had no idea I was coming to them, because I knew I did wrong. They simply thought I was telling the story without any thought of wrongdoing. Given the demented nature of the jokes that were being told by the teenagers in front of a kid that was very young, she was taken aback at the false idea that I had no moral compass about it. When she realized that I knew I did wrong, she said she would have done it completely differently. She truly said she felt terrible about it and was literally in tears which is very rare for her. We simply held hands and cried, it was a very emotional and life changing moment. I feel much differently after that, and the medication is helping to keep me quite calm.

Also, I am remembering now, when I was younger and making those suicidal comments that they deemed manipulative, they truly had no idea about my mental health problems. The only thing I did was being extremely abusive towards them. I told them frequently how terrible they were and I argued over very small things. Sometimes, I would be verbally combative and abusive all day long. It was a nearly daily thing at that time. Given my abusive behavior and always saying that I "didn't really mean it" my parents actually did think I was being manipulative. Also, they had no idea about my mental health struggles after they responded to my remarks about that talk. Granted, they did kind of go off a bit. However, once they realized that I was talking about myself in the sense that I had mental health struggles, they assured me that they would stick by me as parents and once they knew, I constantly mistrusted them and they constantly assured me that they would stick by me.

When things got out of hand recently, I had been being extremely verbally abusive towards them yet again. I was going off, telling them they were 'dead to me' and other mean insults on a frequent basis. Again, I sometimes went on all day. It was a nearly daily routine. They expressed that they were concerned about my mental health at the time, as well. After I stopped being belligerent to them, they seemed to become supportive towards my struggles again for the most part. The whole "getting a lawyer" thing subsided, and yet again it seemed to be one of those things that she expects to just "pass". Since then, after I started not being so abusive towards them, they seem to have said that the whole "get a lawyer" thing and the threats were just something they said because I was being so abusive towards them, which was actually true. She also has apologized for it, so I don't know, but things have smoothed out since then. Also, that was a couple months ago and not current.