I was diagnosed with depression in 2008, but I have dealt with depression my entire life. I had it and anxiety as early as kindergarten, when I remember freaking out so much while taking a test that I 1) couldn't remember any of the answers and 2) repetitively scratched at a spot on my right temple so much that it bled during the test.

I've had lots of episodes of self-harm since, but I'm not as bad as I was even a year ago. Still, I deal with low points in my mood quite often. Every couple of months, I'll get a month where I feel like curling into a ball and not dealing with anything or anyone. I feel empty and lonely and just don't want to exist.

I've been writing a book (actually have made progress on it this past year) and that has helped a lot, but at the same time I feel like it's becoming an obsession. Perhaps I'm leaning on writing too much. But I can't stop, because I have goals I have to meet.

So this time, I'm feeling low and sad and want to isolate myself, but I don't feel empty like I usually do. I feel like that's an improvement, like there's hope on the other side, but I also feel like, if that hope isn't actually there, I'll fall further than I was in the first place. And then, it's possible that tomorrow I'll wake up after a good night's sleep and I'll feel better, and won't want to bother with talking to anyone.

I do want to go back into therapy (the last time was two years ago, and I saw a therapist for a year) but I feel like it might be a waste of time and money because I don't want to build that relationship with someone that I feel won't really care, or maybe won't remember, and then I won't want to keep going.

But, if it makes any difference, my new PCP did say I should check into it, because I mentioned my depression and that I deal with it on a daily basis (which I do, it doesn't just go away when I'm not feeling like crawling under a rock).

So should I seek therapy? Is it really a good idea now, when I could very well be "okay" tomorrow?