ethersvirtue,

I can relate, too. I think most of us can. About punishing yourself, I do that also. You know what? We don't deserve to be punished! We've been through enough in our lives, all of us. We don't deserve to hurt more. It's true! I think that pretty much without exception most self-injurers need to work on having compassion for ourselves, instead of taking it out on ourselves all the time, you know?

One thing that I learned in therapy was that all that anger I felt inside and directed at myself was really toward my parents, but I internalized it because I didn't want to be mad at them. It was easier to blame myself than to believe that I couldn't always rely on my parents for what I needed, or that I wasn't always safe with them. I could be wrong, but if I recall right, it seems like you had an abuse history, right? This is just some food for thought about anger. It needs to be directed where it REALLY belongs if you are going to heal (and you CAN heal!).

One thing I wanted to point out is that cutting only makes the feelings go away TEMPORARILY. It doesn't fix anything for real.

((((hugs)))) if you want them

Angela