Cosmic Rose, that's a good point. I hadn't really thought about why he is always asking this. I think you're on to something . . . that he sees me getting a bit overwhelmed and has some concern for me. He is very much the type who finds it difficult to express a lot of things. He's not the clueless type. He was never the kind of man to expect to be waited on. He always washed and ironed his own clothes and did most of the cooking when we lived together. He was always very helpful. It must be hard for him to be so dependent. My heart just bleeds for him, knowing how hard he tried for as long as he could . . . even after serious physical deficits were already setting in. I wish he would share more about what goes through his mind. I have to give him credit for how seldom he complains about anything. He is not a whiner, but pleasantly resigns himself to what can't be changed . . . far better than I ever would.

He would be eligible to go into a long-term care facility anytime he wants. The VA has already assured me of that. It is only my involvement that has kept him at home in his apartment, where he is content to be. But, short of going into a facility, there just isn't much help that he'll get. I've turned over every stone in pursuit of that.

Sometimes, I am in grief that we ever separated. So much of what I do would be easier, if we still lived together. It upsets me to leave him alone at all. But, then, I think of what led to us splitting up, which we did a number of times, and I had put up with a lot of ill treatment. It's not for nothing that I decided I would rather live alone than with him. I guess I really wish the past could have been different from what it was, but it was as it was and that can't be changed. I am probably rethinking decisions I made in the past, which is probably very foolish to do. I figured things out then as best as I could do. That's all I can do now.

Today I am home at my place enjoying my "day off." (He had the attendant there today who did make him a decent lunch, which he ate.) I feel much better than when I started this thread. When I did was a day that I felt exhausted. I get depleted, but then I manage to recover. It's a repeating cycle. I guess it will remain that, and I'll just get through one day at a time.