But you didn't go through with it so how do you know calling someone didn't stop you?

If you are not going try and guarantee your safety than no pdoc will touch you. They have a duty of care - if you were to tell them what you just wrote you would be locked up. But if you said "I will do my best to stay safe" it is more likely they will take you on.

In my experience I have found most pdocs to be open to negotiation on the wording of te safety contract. Would that put your mind at ease? One of my previous contracts had it written in that I was to present to the ER but did not need to be admitted, rather stay there until they got in contact with my pdoc or stay until I could once again be safe. The er accepted these terms and the one time I went in I was not admitted and didn't need to stay long at all (I got the stitches and left out the front door no problem). Would something like that help? I don't know how rigid your particular clinic is