Hi Tanto. I am usually a high functional (rapid cycling bipolar) but I had an almost crash so I joined this group for support. To be honest, I sometimes do better when I attempt to help other people. And this is why I am replying to you now. I read your story and it is sad, I agree. You are, however, still trying really hard to manage your mental illness and this is wonderful. And especially so because you are so young (24). You have so much good life ahead of you! Personally, I have found regular exercise to help as much as medications. I have even read some research about the benefits of exercise (but that was a few years ago so I am unable to share them with you easily) Do you exercise? (I note that you have asthma but are there some physical activities in which you can participate despite your asthma?) I'll stop for now and wait to see if you think dialoging with me might be helpful to you. (I am a physical therapist and thus my emphasis on physical treatment rather than just medication and/or psychological therapy) Best, Tamar