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what i feel right barely registers as emotion

in fact about all i do feel is the sting on my stomach where i scratched myself

i'd like to cry right now - but there are no tears

i've been dealing with depression since childhood...i always think it can't get worse than this...somehow it always does

trying to decide whether or not to go to my medical doc tomorrow and show my SI

i have two choices. i can get up and go to work or i can get up and go to the doctor.

if i go to work, i'll mutter through thursday and friday...but next week my boss returns. i'm becoming increasingly afraid of her - not just because she's argumentative and basically unpleasant; but because she's beginning to symbolize this 'breakdown' i'm having. if she hadn't done the things she's done, i wouldn't have gotten so stressed to the point of seeking counseling. seeking counseling has brought up pain ....i'm afraid pain worse than i realize

if i go to the doctor....i'm afraid i may be forced to face the pain...

maybe i'll spontaneously combust before morning....

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