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Originally Posted by divine1966
Honestly I wouldn't be concerned as much about lack of sex as it sometimes happens but overall lack of affection. No touching even in a friendly manner indicates deeper issues than just problem with sex
Also you talk about your needs met. What about hers? From what you said it seems that her needs aren't met either or she wouldn't be distant.
When my relationship was falling apart all my ex was concerned about was lack of sex.
Instead of working on fixing relationship he was concerned how he is sexually frustrated. Well you can't make a woman to have intimacy. You just can't. You have to fix a relationship.
Maybe instead of worrying about sex or asking for intimacy you could find out what bothers her...
After years of couple therapy you still don't know. Is she hiding something or is therapist not helpful or you not paying attention? My ex told me he had no clues things were so bad when I said I was done. Oh for real.
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Regarding her needs, to the best of my knowledge and from what she's told me in therapy and such, I'm actually going above and beyond when it comes to meeting her needs. I didn't do very well when I was fighting off the major depressive episode, but since then I've really stepped up and made sure to speak her love languages and make sure her "love bucket" was full (supporting and encouraging her, complimenting her and being romantic, quality time together, etc).
But there's one trump card about my wife. She has PTSD from a rape about 20 years ago so she hides behind an emotional wall most of the time. We were affectionate toward each other up until around October last year when things went drastically south and she withdrew. It was around then that she had her back surgery and took on her management job responsibilities. Those are the big events around the time that she said her libido was suffering. So I assume there's a connection.
The lack of sex is the most prevalent and obvious symptom of our issues right now. It was a sudden crash back in October, enough that I was worried it was a symptom of something physical. As I mentioned, there's been no real affectionate touching at all. She is emotionally unavailable and, it seems, out of touch enough she doesn't even realize we're having relationship problems. She even stated that she doesn't want to speak my love languages.
Maybe she withdrew that month due to so much happening and, thanks to my persistent attempts at making her life as rewarding/happy as I can, I've inadvertently been enabling her to stay behind her walls of PTSD without having to come out and address our relationship? It's really the only thing I can pin down, but with PTSD it's hard to really understand what's going on internally with someone.
But there's definitely some subtle action I'm performing that is causing her reaction. I just don't know what yet.