I've been feeling off, and I guess outwardly behaving in a withdrawn manner, and got called in to see my program chair. I didn't tell the truth the first time, so I asked to meet with her again the next day, but people here advised me not to share personal info with her, so I decided not to.

But when I went to the appointment, (despite having decided not to talk) when I got there she's all what do you want to talk about?

And I was like "nothing I changed my mind."

So she's all "well why did you come?"

And I said "I don't know. I can leave tho."

And explained that I was advised not to share personal info, but she let it go at first, and we talked about other stuff, but every 15 min she would bring it up again, and she dragged it out of me. It was weird how easy it was to talk to her.

But I guess she was encouraged by me talking bc she got bold and asked me how long I've been cutting- without me having told her I cut, and with me pointedly wearing long sleeves or hiding my arm when directly interacting with her.

She revealed that she noticed my scars in the first day of class 11 weeks ago. Her revealing this led to a discussion about my being borderline, and if in light of that she still thought I should remain in the program.

She said that I still had time, with the right therapist I could work through it and become a dynamic therapist.

She's trying to find me someone she thinks would work well with me, but the one I have isn't going to be able to do it.

Oddly enough, the conversation wasn't as awkward as I expected. And I revealed some more personal things, and surprisingly I felt unburdened afterwards. I really feel better after a one hour conversation.

It makes me sad I can't feel like this with my own therapist, the way it used to be.

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