I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now. In the beginning, he was extremely eager to get into a relationship with me. My family and friends really liked him as he was very social and polite. He was also very generous and quick to devote his free time to me. He told me he loved me pretty quickly and since then we've been together. He's wonderful with children, compassionate towards others, friendly and considerate. I've found that we tend to think alike. Not to mention he is extremely handsome. However, he has some deep insecurity issues. On top of that, he has a horrible temper. The first time I experienced his anger was when we were having a few drinks at his friends. He is in the military (but has never been deployed) and had recently missed a deadline at work. His Sgt demanded an essay on the importance of punctuality and I ended up writing it for him (voluntarily). That night while we were out, his Sgt approached me in secret and said something along the lines of "did you help him write his paper? It didn't sound like him." I said no and later brought it up to my boyfriend in secret. He hushed me rudely and I got offended. We went inside to talk about it and as we were discussing it his Sgt walked by. When he passed, my boyfriend whispered "shut the f*** up!" I was stunned. As the night progressed we ended up in the bathroom and I confronted him about his disrespect and that I didn't admit to writing the paper. He thought we might be overheard by someone so he leaned into my face and repeated "shut the f*** shut the f*** up SHUT THE F*** UP!" and I got so mad I called my mom to come pick me up. The next day he was obviously contrite and wrote me "I'm so sorry...I don't know what came over me; I'm not that type of person." So after a lot of convincing I relented and forgave him. But the temper issued didn't end there, obviously.
We've had so many good times...we lived together for six months, have made many trips together, and built routines. He's done so many sweet things for me. I have no doubt that he loves me. He went out of his way to extend his term in the state we were living just so we could build a relationship before I considered moving away with him. However, I have been accused several times of checking out other men. Questioned on whether or not I will stay faithful to him. Interrogated about certain male friends in my life. And when we fight...it escalates almost every time. I'm not innocent...I've retaliated and said some cruel things before. However, he gets so petty and antagonizes me (he's almost 25). He tends to say things like "get the f*** out of here! I'm sick of your sh**!" or "bye! Deuces!" Incredibly immature. And not to mention disrespectful. He likes to mutter things when I turn to walk away, further aggravating the situation. I suppose I have tried to see the good in him more than the bad and that is why we are still together. We recently drove across the country together because he got stationed somewhere else. We spent 30 days in his home town and I met his huge family. He has 7 siblings. But even after leaving my family behind and embarking on this move for him, he still questioned my loyalty. Accused me of checking out "muscular" guys. Ignored me for a whole day because he thought I had a wandering eye. Cussing me out a few times. Throughout our relationship I've gathered that his older brother used to make him fight other kids, he used to be scrawny, his ex cheated on him and they fought constantly. Now he's so quick to get flustered, takes on this surly demeanor, and jumps to conclusions.
He is a good guy. No doubt about it. He has deep issues that I somehow seem to trigger. I honestly just don't know what to do. I moved across the country for him and I want to overcome these issues but I don't know if it's possible. I reassure him all the time and try to diffuse the situation when we fight...but he's just so quick to turn everything into a battle I feel powerless. It seems to be black and white most of the time. We get along great and have similar interests but then his temper surfaces and it all seems to go away. I'm getting this off of my chest because my future literally depends on whether or not I want to continue this relationship...if not, I will have to move elsewhere. Any advice?