Hi all...feel bad that I dont frequent this forum as it is such a huge trigger for me.Please excuse my selfishness for needing your support.
Im 40 years old and Ive sh'd since 15.There were many years of little self harm but it did exist,in various forms.
I was recently diagnosed bp2.I dont know how much the si has to do with that but its been a real struggle.
Ive been looking for a support group in my area to no avail....plus Im terrified of anyone knowing my problems.

Anyhow I really screwed up last night.I had been thinking of SH for days previous to the act.Thats why I feel like a weak idiot....because I think I wanted it to happen....wanted to feel CALM.
Now Im avoiding my husband....trying any way for him not to see what Ive done AGAIN.The last time I did this was over a month ago....I thought I was feeling better.
I cant seem to control the urge to sh.I think Im becoming more and more dependant on it.
I just dont know what to do.....I dont feel depressed.....in fact I really dont have an excuse to want to SH so much.
I feel like such a loser for losing control.