Thanks to everyone for your posting, it has been helpful. I love my girlfriend very much but her use only eats at me on the inside. I am willing to be patient with her and give her the benefit of the doubt as to wanting to and being able to quit.
We are very open with one another, other than her hiding her smoking from me. I don't expect her to quit cold turkey and if I confront her about the smoking she won't lie to me about it. She even told me that she smoked again the other day after I left for the day and it made her cry. I really believe she wants to quit because she knows I'm unhappy about it but I also have to understand that it is an addiction. I have to believe in her heart she would choose me over this. She says she smokes as a stress relief. I tried to explain there are a lot of ways to relieve stress but I feel that was just a defensive, justification remark.
I'm very conflicted but it comes from my love for her and the happiness she brings to my life but her habit is going to drive me away at some point because at some point I will have to move on if she can't stop. It makes me feel very helpless and depressed knowing that she does this.
I don't look at it as asking her to change the person she is but merely trying to be a better person to herself and I have told her that. I even poised this hypothetical to her. If she had met me and I was a Heroine user would she not want and ask me to change to be a better person???? Now, I'm not comparing her addiction to heroine, god knows that is a much more destructive drug but I merely wanted to put her in my shoes and see how I felt.
It is very hard but I am a great guy and I have a lot to offer the right woman, I would love for it to be this woman but time will tell. She will be going out with her user girlfriend tonight and I plan to tell her to be a good girl for me this evening just to reiterate I'm thinking of her and her issue. I'm on duty so the trust issue is hard but I have to let her work this out some herself.