About 3.5 years ago, I was with my Mom (then age 81) and my dying stepfather (then age 86) during my stepfather's last moments. Very difficult. And today, it feels like it is still happening sometimes......and that hurts, a lot. I don't know, I guess the main sense I have is one of "guilt." Like my Mom was looking to me to somehow fix the situation. I was standing up holding his hand while my Mom sat on her bed a few feet away.....he was unconscious and breathing extremely slowly. I just held his hand and kept saying it was "OK", that it was OK if he just let go and that we loved him. And then I didn't feel anymore pulse. I told my Mom, "He is gone." I can remember it like it was yesterday, unfortunately. The guilt. The stupid guilt. He was dying of liver cancer - and obviously nothing I could do, or have done, to save him. One one hand I am proud that I could be there for my Mom and on the other hand sad that it had to be me......I had just called her that morning out of the blue about something. She then said that it didn't look like Jack was "going to make it." I came right over. I don't know why the anxiety is so extreme even today, 3 years later. I feel like I must apologize to unknown people (or God?) for what I did that day. Like, "I'm sorry I killed my stepfather." Crazy. Why won't Peace come?