I am a survivor of all the big three, sexual, physical and emotional abuse. I deal with major depression because of it and was hospitalized for a year in my teens because of it. I was eventually discharged to a foster home where I lived until I was in my first year of college.

I tried so hard when my 4 kids were young to never repeat what happened to me. Thinks were very tight money wise so I always felt guilty when we couldn't provide the material things, but boy did we have fun playing. We did all kinds of fun things as I babysat for other children too. I still suffered with clinical depression but I would take meds until felt better and then stop.. a less than perfect childhood caused by me.

Fast forward to my grandchildren.....I thought I was doing a great job. We go tent camping, frog catching, fishing etc. Play games, they sleep over.. everything /i wanted for my children but didn't get. Now my daughter lets me know that I am not doing in right. She says I spoil my grandaughter that lives out of state. I don't buy things for my gransons that I buy for 9 yr old granddaughter. I buy clothes for my grandaughter, she is into clothes. I buy fishing pools, tackle boxes frog nets, that my 3 and 4 year are into Anyway it came out like i was doing it all wrong after I tried so hard to get it right.

I take car of my mother-in-law who lives with us which is hard. My husband and I work full time and is hard to fine time for every thing. i know if I commit suicide my daughter would be upset.

Well the klonopin is just getting in.. than I am asleep thank you for listening.