Hello Gavinandnikki, thank you. Maybe it is my own projection. I think going to a therapist would help. I've tried twice, but I got scared and didn't go back. Maybe I should try again.

Gentle Lamb, although I'm sad to hear you're going through this too, I'm glad in a way that it's not just me! It's actually a big relief. What you explained does sound like me too! It's mostly women as well who are the coldest, but I've been thinking that maybe men are just normally more inclined to be attracted to a woman and treat her nicer solely because of that, which makes me uncomfortable, so I avoid male friendships. Do you think we just pick up on small things that most people don't notice, and so it makes us more uncomfortable? Or maybe it's because we are slightly more paranoid than the average person? Also, I'm always "cheerful" and always try to be friendly with everyone, even if they've been angry with me, even though my inner world can be very dark. Do you get this way too? It feels like to me that I'm forever never able to fit in, like a zebra in a herd of horses.

I also have wondered if I have Aspergers... I wonder if I could just go up to a therapist and ask if they can find out if I have it ? It would explain a lot about me. Some people have mentioned that I act like I do because I act awkward. I've looked up "disorders" in desperation before to find if I fit anything, including Aspergers Syndrome. I have to admit, I don't think I fit the asperger's category, which was sad for me because if I did, I might finally have a reason for being different. I found out I fit something called "Schizotypical personality disorder" like a glove after reading about it, but I would need to be diagnosed as such for me to believe that I do entirely. Edit: I just looked up more about it online, and it seems I don't entirely. My thinking isn't entirely magical. Although I'm very logical, I do think of souls and other "magical" things possibly happening, but I don't believe it entirely. Also, I do show emotion on my face, but it's often an act and sometimes not appropriate. I just wonder why I am the way I am?

Hang in there, though! I'm on your side with this, and understand how it is.