Let me express my compassion for the serious suffering you have endured for so many years. I also had a miserable childhood and have suffered for many years in adulthood, with some possible relief on the horizon.

Is it possible for you at this point to seek the care of a therapist and psychiatrist? I think that a therapist could help you process the trauma and gain inner strength for addressing the current disorders, and a psychiatrist could help you search for medication for the OCD. I have OCD and also take a medication that helps with PTSD (gabapentin) which might be something treatable in your case as well.

With compassion,
Mike