I'm so sorry you faced something so traumatic.

I think deep down you know that the fact that you've pushed your feelings and emotions so deep down and never addressed them, is in a way causing you problems. You cannot just push your feelings down. Much like the physical wound, if you don't do anything about it and don't take medicines, it will only get worse.

Addressing your negative feelings and emotional pain is scary. It opens floodgates of emotions that you really never learned to handle. But you should also know, the bravest way and the solution is to face your mind monsters, go through it and fight it, rather than closing your eyes, pretending it doesn't exist and walk around it.

What you fight, strengthens you and what you resist, persists.

Please consider seeing a therapist. It's not a luxury, it's a necessity. The sooner you address your emotions, the sooner you can heal. The more you ignore it, the more difficult it would get, to heal from it. Easier to uproot a plant than a tree.

A good place to start is by writing - in a notepad or blog or diary about your traumatic incident. Write about your feelings and emotions - one incident at a time. Let out all the emotions you've locked in past three years in a confusing map of emotions.

Why should you hide your feelings and emotions from your family? Crying is not weakness. Feeling scared is not weakness. Pushing your feelings down and pretending that nothing happened is. If you feel that your family can be emotionally supportive, then you should tell them and share you feelings with them.

It's also a good idea to take up self-defense classes or kickboxing, or something like that - not because to defend you in future - but because it increases your confidence and makes you feel powerful to handle any situation in life.

Also, there is an excellent self help book for healing from traumatic incident - The Body keeps score - by Bessel van der Kolk. do read it if you can, its very well rated. You can read the first few pages for free in google books.

As you heal, you would also, slowly, gain the trust to date again.

All my love.