I'm so sorry you were sexually abused by your grandmother. It's so tough when the very people who are supposed to protect you, hurt you.

I was sexually abused by my dad. Initially, I also had a lot of trouble calling it sexual abuse. I used to call it - just touching. I justified my dad's actions, calling it office pressure....or I did something bad...

It's complicated. On one hand you love them - because of all the "good things" they've done for you....and basically because you've been taught to love your family. And on the other hand they do things that leaves a scar, maybe for life. It took me a while to understand this - and maybe, even after reading, you'll take a lot of time to realize this.

People who sexually abuse are way to tuned into their needs and they never truly love someone. Yea sure, they may do some nice things once in a while....but deep down, they only care for their needs. People who love you unconditionally would NEVER do anything that may harm you. It's like eating ice cream laced with poison. The ice cream maybe delicious, but it still is poison and harms you.

Kudos for seeing a therapist. Hope you are able to heal from this.

All my love.