After being to the ER for suicidal idealization because of working, not being able to hold a job for more than a few weeks and having issues with functioning I've been told by many people to try for disability.

I have Panic Disorder and what I believe to be BPD (but my psychiatrist thinks it's Bipolar II because she thinks my good days constitute as being manic). I'm afraid of responsibility (when it comes to working) and authority. I'm constantly afraid that nothing I do is good enough and that everyone around me will hate me for making little mistakes. Working and just the thought of it makes has made me suicidal before and I've been to the ER. I've never been hospitalized before though because I'm too afraid of giving up my life for a week to random people. I'm paranoid that something bad will happen to me if I'm "put away".

I'm not currently seeing a therapist because everyone around me has a waiting list, I do have a history of seeing them though. I also have two psychiatrist and my PCP who have documentation of all my issues. I'm too afraid to apply for disability even though I really need the help, I feel like **** having to live off my boyfriend and roommates wages. I feel so f***ing terrible about being a mooch...

I don't even know how to go about applying. What's the interview like? What do I need for documentation? What's your guy's experiences like with SSI? I'm so scared I'll get denied...