Hi there, booklover. I am in my forties and have a personality disorder myself. My heart goes out to you. One of my first thoughts is that you didn't totally bring this upon yourself. It is important to accept responsibility for your choices and behaviors, but you have to realize you are very wounded. A child or teen who has the conditions and behaviors you do is hurting. If your mother is a psychiatrist, healthy, and without blame, you would likely not be in the emotional pain you are in. It is important for her not to enable bad choices, but what you've experienced definitely indicates bad parenting. She is not emotionally well herself.

My advice... recognize that you are not responsible for your fear, hurt, sadness, etc. Recognize that you are responsible for how you choose to react to those feelings. As you mentioned, constant lying is only going to make you feel worse about yourself. Have you dug down into why you lie? Are you trying to make others think more highly of you in the moment? It might work in the short term, like alcohol or drugs do for some, but it won't work in the long term.

I am sorry you are in so much pain! Try to take baby steps in the direction you want to go. Also, if your mom won't help you, is there any adult who might?