...............Gosh, where do I begin? And what woke me up? Lordy, Lordy. my pants are on fire. My x asked me to type a letter for him for a settlement from Exxon. Well, I opened the envelope and read the contract from the sale of his one gas station. $100,000 cash down payment and another $200,000+ to pay in monthly payments for balance and equipment. And the other gas station he sold for $150,000,000.

Would you believe, the first year after our separation, my son had to apply for free lunches at school? I was a housewife during the marriage, so after the separation I started back to work and re-entry into the work force, one does not get paid much.............my x was a millionaire and his son had to apply for free lunches at school. OMG

What in the world happened to me? Where was/is my fire?Was it beaten out of me? Was it the adoption? Seems my fire peeks out and glows and the minute the mere mention of water, I vanish to submission or hide. The fire awakens only to see what a mess I've made of things and out of horror goes into hiding, leaving me with this pathetic, wimp, of a person. All that I can say is "what a fool I have been".. Now that I said that, I guess wimpy me returns..... rolls my eyes at myself and grrrrrs.......Many years down the road and I just see this. I woke up. Kind of late I'd think. grrrrr...

I just needed to get this off my chest. I am not even sure why. Replies aren't necessary. Because I already see and understand now what I floated through during part of my past. Can't mend the past. That is for sure... Just feeling so disgusted with myself. I hate the wimpy side of me. Guess we all have strengths and weaknesses.. Just seems like mine peek about and leaves me with the mess to clean up... shakes my head at myself......................