I'm sorry that you're feeling so distraught, wysteria. I can understand and relate to where you're coming from. I am similar. I have a huge tendency to internalize my feelings & blame myself for most everything. Every now and then, I have moments of rage that come out aimed against someone/something else and it isn't pretty. Those experiences are soon used against myself as well.

I don't know how I feel about this news. I'm encouraged but confused. Excited but depressed. I am all over the place! It would be nice to gain some more emotional support from professionals, rather than continue being largely mis-trusted and/or disregarded. But, I have been working on myself in DBT for several years now. Is it hopeless for me to work so hard at finally being able to forgive, so I am able to Accept and move forward in my life?? While I have been stuck on this concept for many years, I am trying hard to forgive. SO HARD!!!

I guess that says it all. (((hugs))) sent your way.