I don't know where to start… I married young. Probably a stupid choice. I was married at 20 to the guy i was with in high school(who was even a **** in high school, so just shows u how stupid i really am). The sad thing is i was never purposed to. He apparently wasn't legally here and one day he told me and said that he would be able to be if he was married. Thats how we decided we would get married. It was supposed to be the "fake" wedding tho and we would eventually have a real one and i would get a REAL purposal(that never happened). He was so controlling. I gave up ALL my friends. If i was ever nice to a guy he would get mad. He has been abusive mentally and physically. He has cheated multiple times. I should of letf a long time ago. But like i said… Im not that bright apparently. I found out recently that he is a drug addict. Norcos. Xanax. He did stop hitting me and he tried to stop calling names and putting me down. But god i hate him. but i still love him at the same time and i feel CRAZY!! i constantly fight with myself in my head. He has ****ed me up so bad mentally. I used to be strong. I used to have tons of friends. I used to not be akward around people. I hate what i see when i look in the mirror. Ive given up so many things for this ****ED UP relationship and then i find out he's been on drugs?! almost $800 a month out the window….. and we don't have much money to begin with. I still couldn't leave tho. Pathetic? Yes. I couldn't leave him when he really wanted to change. I couldn't leave him to deal with it alone. (Side note: my sister was a drug addict and i wasn't there for her and always regretted it) So i stayed to be with him threw it. He did good for a bit. But of course relapsed a few times. Ive turned into this crazy ***** who is just crazy. and i hate it. I don't feel happy anymore. i haven't for years. I wish i could be other people and i used to never do that. Recently he has been doing ok(to my knowledge) he got a job and has been doing better. But then me and my sister found out that my parents have lost the house and that we will have to be taking care f then a lot sooner then later. and with our income thats kinda impossible. He isn't ok with that. he dosnt want to take care of them. He hate my dad(for cheating on my mom and loosing the house) and he talks **** on him so we fight constantly about it. I am extremely close with my dad, So when he dose this i can't really handle it. I wish i was further in my life. I always expected better of myself. I wish i could take care of everyone with out it being a problem. But thats not my life and i hate it….