Hi,

I see this post is a couple of days old so you might feel far away from this right now, if you do hopefully it's in the right direction.

I usually feel great after heavily drinking, weird right? If i drink way too much, a habit i don't have anymore, the next morning i would wake up with this feeling of clarity of emotion, an almost stillness. It never lasted too too long but it was always so noticeable the moment my eyes opened.

You know how to get happy, your problem is staying happy and conquering the fear that your happiness will never return once it is gone. That might sound silly but it's not a distinction without a difference. The language you tell yourself, the way you narrate your life through your thoughts matters greatly. The whole black and white thing makes this especially hard for people with BPD but in another way it also can make it easier aswell for us.

We've got this like superpower of being able to rapidly change our emotions at the drop of a hat. What's the spiderman line, from those awful movies: "With power comes responsibility" or some such. We've got special powers and it's our responsibility to try and use them for good instead of bad in the little emotional wars we fight with ourselves.


You'll notice i am not talking about your boyfriend or your roomate because they're pawns on this chessboard. You're the queen! and the king and the horsie and every other piece that matters.


I can't think of anything else to say right now as i don't know if you think i am an idiot or not. If you do i can try a different tactic.