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thecrankyone · 10:54 AM

**note** I am not suicidal, and I don't wish to hurt myself or anyone in a literal sense. Metaphorically, however that is a different tune to hum**note**

I love my son very much, but right now I am finding it very hard to like him. He's a good kid who means well, but I'm ready to drop kick his *** into next week if something doesn't change.
He's not technically a kid, in that he is 22 years old, but to me that is still very young. I was not much older when I got pregnant with him.

He has a warrant because he never went to court when he was supposed to. He was accepted in to Drug court but hasn't given me any information on when and so on. I'm worried that if he doesn't take care of this, he will be back in jail looking at real time. I won't get into the whole story, but he is trying to stay away from drugs (pot aside) and mostly seems to be succeeding but never seems to want to do anything. He was working a few days with a friend who does dry walling and other construction but decided it wasn't for him?? He is a very talented welder with several certificates but sold his leathers, helmet etc back when he was still on drugs. He also would struggle to pass a piss test.

My apt is a total mess, I've never been a great housekeeper, neatness is so not me, but I have standards and I like some normalcy as far as dishes in kitchen and garbage in garbage the garbage can, with cigarette butts not all over the place. He's always doing some project (he is very artistically talented) or invention which leaves a mess and ends up wrecking things like silverware or stove burners (leaving burnt stuff or other mess). I try to talk to him but he just gets angry and defensive and very disrespectful.

He is stealing to try and help us, but I'd really he would just go to a temp agency or do anything to bring in money with out my worrying about him, to say nothing of the moral aspect.

I know his father's suicide

Possible trigger:

accidental intentional meth overdose

really messed with his head, and growing up with two bipolar parents one who self medicated with drugs, and alcohol and one who just ate and had regular meltdowns while attempting to pass, and had a hard time with basics like money management, and doing basic chores.

We had to leave the last place with out most of our stuff, it was beyond trashed and full of garbage. I am in fear of that happening again. I lived at the YWCA for 6 months to get my self together and it was only with help from a non profit acting as cosigner that I got into this place. I also had help with SENDCAA with deposit and first month's rent. I don't want this ruined. I've moved to much.

The carpet is trashed and last night he managed to accidentally break a window. ( he got locked out and tried to climb in thru the window. We are in basement). I can't have maintenance see the place the way it is, it needs major cleaning, and we don't even have dressers or a real bed. The furniture we do have is donated (good quality, but still).

I am being garnished because of our lovely American for profit medical system, despite having Blue Cross. So while I could easily afford the rent when I moved in, now I can't. I'm trying to contact the person who is my advocate with the program that is cosigning but she won't return my calls. I paid half my rent, but my landlord (large company with sometimes questionable reputation) obviously wants the rest plus late fees yesterday which would leave me with nothing but a very overdue electric bill.

There is a lot more, but I'm already getting too long.

I just can't take anymore, I'm past the knot at the end of my rope.