Caramee,

Thank you so much. Yes T does know why I first started. I was being badly triggered and he figured out that I needed some major life adjustments. Those life adjustments were very very difficult. He walked me through all of them. And when some issues would come up that I originally went for he helped me place them back as I was not well enough (his words to deal with them at the moment) but we would get there when things were more stable. Well things are stable and he is ready to help deal with them but I am having a hard time. He has told me many times we will go slow as I cannot deal with fast. That I get to set the pace, but at the same time he said there are times when he will push a little and not allow me to go into hiding so often. It is hard so hard - thank you for validating that. I have been writing a little - he has pushed that a lot lately. Given me a few writing assignments and actually asked about them. Before any homework he never asked about. It sucks - I don't want to and I desperately want to. Now if I can just find my voice and speak - I will try. I am scared