Esthersvirture - I think we have a lot in common. I struggle with this myself. I don't know & if you don't resist and you are an adult is it the four letter word I cannot type? I mean they know you don't want to - they know they are hurting you, if you cry it gets worse so you don't cry. You do exactly what you are told - why because if not it is beyond brutal. But I stayed and it went on and on for years and years why - I didn't know how to leave & isn't this how it always is - even though you are an adult now this is what is like as a child too. I don't know, I just don't know... I allowed it - in the beginning I said I didn't want to and I didn't like it but it made it worse so I learned to shut up and pray I didn't die. But alas I stayed - so is it my fault???? Sometimes I am sorry I exist.