Umm Hun, I'm so like you was 30 years ago. I compounded my problems through the use and abuse of every illicit drugs to escape the fact I would've done better being dead then dealing with the aftermath of my first 18 years of my life fom hell.

It's an illusion, an escape to dealing with the crazy that's really happening. If you make it to 40, then you just might see. I woke up and still was alive...oh well, let's get it right.

I hope you find what drives you because it's out to destroy you, but this is only because we were programmed that way, genetically or by RA. Screw that. You can change the scenery. Sure we are handicapped, but so what, it's just a thing.

Good luck.