First of all, I am sorry this is so long.

I am at a point where I am beginning to question my sexuality. I was raised in a very strict, evangelical Christian environment, and even thinking that you might be a lesbian was out of the question. There was no possible way you could be “homosexual” and be a Christian. As a teenager, at one point I thought I was attracted to one of my classmates, and the thought terrified me. I talked to no one about it, until I was 19 or 20. I told a young adults leader at my church, and she told me that women who have had conflicted relationships with their mothers often seek out affirmation from other women and confuse this with thinking they are “homosexual.” This put my mind at ease for a long time, because my mom was extremely emotionally and verbally abusive, and sometimes physically abusive as well.

Fast forward to now. I am in therapy for the millionth time, estranged from the church for many, many reasons that are too much to get into right now, and I feel like I might be attracted to my therapist. There are definitely transference issues going on, but now I find myself wondering if I might be a lesbian after all. I have never been in a sexual relationship, due to my family’s messed up attitudes about sex. I am wondering if there is anyone else who has gone through a similar situation and what advice you would have for me. Right now I feel very confused and scared. I don’t really want to talk about this with my therapist, because I don’t want to tell her that I might have sexual feelings for her. I have no idea how she would react to that, even though we have talked a bit about my transference issues.