Well, here I am in the middle of Summer alone - I've never been otherwise. It was a beautiful day and I went to a food fair. The problem is everyone seemed to be with somebody and all I could think about was the empty space around me. I had a few exchanges (because I wanted to eat) with venders. They smiled politely and then faded into history. Funny thing, I've always been able to cope with this glass house that surrounds me - looking out, occasionally pounding on the window to get someone's attention. Lately however, it has become more desperate - the glass is thicker. Perhaps it is because I have less time, perhaps it is because I know I probably won't get to a point where relationships are the norm. Giving up has never felt so easy. I remember when my parents were alive and they would come visit. I used to make them lunch and we'd watch tv or a movie. Inside my head I kept thinking - is this it, when my parents pass away will I sever all outside ties. Well they've been dead now for years and for the most part the dark scenario has played out. It is ironic because I think I might be getting better at making an effort socially but I can't help but feel that this skill is coming way too late. My better years are well in the rear view mirror, I don't want anymore therapy or drugs. I just want the fantasy to be true. Amen.