Hi Northern,
I'm sorry you're going through this

But good that you'll hopefully be getting some of the help you need from your assessment

Can be good to have a support network though and if we at PC can be part of that it hopefully help you a bit more.
I'd say that a lot of people are going to relate to some of the things you've been feeling..........using cutting to keep safe..........feeling like those thoughts almost "have a life of their own"............
Just for different people they can have different meanings if you want to tell us a bit more about how
you're experiencing them e.g. keeping safe can be keeping safe from the
so overwhelming/uncontrollable feelings by having that "release", by using it to stop yourself doing "something else" or.............and the thoughts sometimes from "past experiences", sometimes from "impulses" or OCD or............
Lots of different possibilities...........but you
are going to find people on here who understand and can be here to support you.
So if you want to talk more...........
Alison