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Old Jul 20, 2015, 06:48 PM
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cashart10 cashart10 is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Oct 2013
Location: KY
Posts: 3,667
I've believed that I was chosen by God; that he gave me the power to cast out demons and that every prayer given to me by the Holy Spirit would come true (this delusion comes with a lot of pressure). I believed that the Holy Spirit was drawn to water so I drank gallons to make sure he stayed. I believed that someone could read my mind. I once believed that the clouds had opened up and I was driving IN the sky...not much paying attention to the road going on there I'd say. I believed the Lord let me experience Heaven on earth (it was higher, I can imagine, than any drug high could ever be). I have seen Jesus coming on the clouds while sitting in my bedroom. I believed I was speaking in tongues and when I did this it made me high as a kite. I believed that if I laid my hands on someone to pray, I would transfer the Holy Spirit to them so I was laying my hands on many people, many times to pray for them, this gave me an enormous high as well. I believed I was fulfilling prophesies. It was bizarre.

On the flip side, I believed my mind was possessed by demons who were trying to convince me to commit suicide. I believed I was in the midst of hardcore spiritual warfare rather than a mental illness. I believed that my hyper sexuality was the devil himself tempting me and I fought hard, writhing with desire, not to give in and masturbate. Once I started to believe my mental illness was real again, it took forever to go back to a psychiatrist because I feared if I was wrong and it wasn't a mental illness, I would be giving into Satan and going to Hell. I once had an "out of body" experience while just laying in my bed. Recently one of the voices I heard responded to something I said; makes me wonder.

That's all I can think of for now.
__________________
*****

Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now

Tori Amos ~ Crucify

Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder